


Spell 'Dog' Out In Reverse

by orphan_account



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Humor and Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 07:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23467777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was admittedly a somewhat jealous god - but aren't they all?
Relationships: Hypnos/Zagreus
Kudos: 66





	Spell 'Dog' Out In Reverse

Tapping his lips with a quill pen, Hypnos glances up from over a scroll. The way the sides of his mouth awkwardly crinkle suggest he's trying (and failing) to suppress a smirk. Being of a naturally good humored nature, Hypnos is always smiling so for him to be actively repressing himself from doing so attests that whatever is amusing him must invite a rare breed of trouble. Truth of the matter is that Hypnos can't stay focused on his work due to the scene unfolding off to his left. Decidedly more interesting than the growing line of guests in the underworld's lobby, the prince has returned to the House of Hades and this always poses a bit of a problem for the god of sleep who was as prone to daydreaming as he was outright passing out on the job.

Said daydreams were of an increasingly... _lusty_ flavor as of late, to put it mildly.

Home from adventuring, Zagreus briefly sets aside merciless slaughter and casual violence to entertain his pet. It is it universal knowledge that even the homicidal and suicidal enjoy the company of cute puppies, granted 'cute' isn't the first word that comes to mind when discussing Cerberus, what with it being a slobbering three-headed beast equipped with dead fish-like eyes and horrific arm-length fangs. Cerberus was ten times larger than its master and had the legendary guardian of the underworld been of a more aggressive disposition, it could easily swallow Zagreus whole. ' _I could swallow you whole too if you get a couple drinks in me first'_ , Hypnos thinks, twirling the feather between his fingers. At this point, he isn't even being subtle about oogling Zagreus and one of the souls standing in line coughs loudly with impatience. Hypnos wearily redirects his attention to the ghosts and welcomes them with a half-hearted sense of grandeur. _'Yes, yes, the underworld is very exciting. I'm sure you're all just dying to reach the Elysian Fields, pun very much intended.'_

Cerberus barks, its booming voice cutting over the crowd. Zagreus playfully hushes the dog, his rich laugher ringing pleasantly like fine crystal. From the corner of his gaze, Hypnos longs to swap professions with the canine guardian - oh, how lovely it'd be if it was Cerberus that had to deal with all of these undead losers and in its place Hypnos would be the one lazing around on a big beautiful blanket with a big beautiful boy petting him oh so lovingly.

Guided by the light of flickering funeral pyres, more spirits shuffle in from the adjacent Pool of Styx that marks the entrance to the palace. Pieces of gold, copper, and silver litter the floor, a glittering breadcrumb trail leading up to one's final judgment. Like all popular tourist destinations, hell is overcrowded and overpriced; many of the guests cannot speak, their voices muffled by coins stuffed in their mouths. While Charon only ever requires a single obol to ferry a lodger across Styx (you'll be swimming yourself to Hades without it), people that were well loved or simply well off in their former lives were sent off on a final journey with enough currency to ensure they could enjoy death as much as they had life. You can spend obols on anything and everything here, from souvenirs to shitty 'ambrosia flavored' food and drink (with no actual ambrosia in the ingredients - it's all just pure sugar). Hypnos had never held a broom in his life but he was increasingly of the mind to sweep up the litter. Forget candy, maybe he could exchange it all for a sweet piece of ass. His eyelashes flutter comically in Zagreus' direction.

Hypnos continues to read off the souls' grievances and causes of death, dabbing the magical scroll with checkmarks. He didn't have a hard job, just monotonous. Think retail-levels of lame where customers are both the best and worst part of the gig. This sad fuck standing at the front of the line is named Empedocles and he apparently threw himself into a volcano in hopes of gaining immortality. No joke, that's what the scroll says! And that loony bird over there yelling at everyone? Philitas or whoever? He was and continues to be an obnoxious critic that was so wrapped up in tearing other people's works down that he died after feeding exclusively on artists' tears and forgetting to eat real food for days. _Ah, when a troll gets banned from real life. The smell of justice rivals that of freshly baked pita bread._ Hypnos could definitely relate to his boy Chysippus though. If you're going to go out, go out laughing.

And then Hypnos catches Zagreus climbing up on top of Cerberus' back. _That man was giving a very bored god so much spank material for later, hot damn!_ The way Zagreus' strong arms nestle so gingerly into the monster's fur, why, he might as well have been rolling around in a bed of crimson silk as far as Hypnos was concerned! ' _Naked_.' Yes, that too,Zagreus might as well as have been naked as he rolls around in the most luxurious of silks affordable only to the elite class. Hypnos sighs, suddenly disappointed in the invention of clothes. _Who was responsible?_ Hypnos was of the mind to get in touch with the God Resources (GR) company department _. Such a counterproductive bastard should be fired!_

Zagreus tugs on Cerberus' collar as he would a horse's harness and the well trained dog begins trotting around in circles much to the amazement of the ghosts. Hypnos scoffs audibly, unimpressed. ' _Forget the pooch! Find someone to ride Zagreus and then we'll really have a show for you folks!'_ Hypnos' mind really takes off with _that_ notion - something or another about collars and harnesses. But just when the scene playing out in his head gets to the best part, the east ward's doors fly open and Zagreus' father (and more importantly Hypnos' boss) storms up to his desk. Lord Hades silences the hall with nothing more than a wave of his impossibly huge hand. Even the infamously rebellious Zagreus flinches at the sudden change of atmosphere and three pairs of ears tuck back as Cerberus lets out a low whine - it still wags its tail though, a sign of its loyalty to the leader of the family regardless of its learned fear. When the king makes it known that he's here on business and not to reprimand Hypnos for lusting after his son, Hypnos exhales with relief. Hades isn't psychic or anything, just alarmingly well informed. However, just as Hypnos is about to nod off back into his colorful little realm of fantasy, someone taps his shoulder.

 _Holy ravani! He'd been all the way across the room just a second ago!_ Zagreus laughs, tickled by Hypnos' shocked expression. Even more alarming than his speed is just how drop dead gorgeous Zagreus truly is up close. The prince leans in ( _Could his face be any more perfect?!)_ and whispers to Hypnos but the god is distracted by the way Zagreus' lips and tongue roll over each syllable that he can't pay attention to what the prince is actually saying. Zagreus gives a curt nod before sneaking away, almost but not quite disappearing within the crowd, still partially visible on account of the congregation of specters being semi-translucent. Hypnos watches with amazement as the prince dodges expertly from his father's sight and in the direction his bedroom.

Wait...what exactly _DID_ Zagreus say? Hypnos bites his knuckle as his imagination runs wild with a thousand possibilities, nine-hundred ninety-nine of them admittedly probably not super duper accurate. Hades is lost in a well rehearsed speech - it's about as lively as Hypnos' welcoming one, that is to say, not very but Hades had such a presence about him that he didn't have to feign caring in order to command attention. More likely than not, Hades knew his son had left but simply didn't have the patience to drag him back by force. At least not today.

Hypnos wonders if he is free to leave too. He'd admittedly already taken his lunch break _but_...

Flattening himself against the wall and sliding across the room, Hypnos makes his not-so-subtle escape. Anytime someone looks at him, he makes a point to look in the other direction, as if not making eye contact somehow renders him invisible. The ghosts murmur to one another but no one has the balls to call out the god for being weird. Cerberus tilts all three of its heads to the side when Hypnos curls around the corner, a finger held up to his lips. He then snakes beneath Hades' desk, nearly tripping over Hades' foot _(Had Hades just now intentionally stuck his leg... no... surely not. There's no way he could have spotted Hypnos.)_ and skids across a freshly mopped floor down the adjacent hall.

Arriving at a lavishly guided door accented with purple overhead lighting, Hypnos composes himself, brushing off imagined dust from his shoulders and running his hands through his hair, slicking it back. Regardless of what Zagreus had said, be it what Hypnos hopes or not, one should always look presentable at all times. Dress to impress n' all that jazz.

Hypnos knocks, not too loudly, not too quickly - a downright _posh_ kind of knock. _Anyone who knocks with such skill and class surely must be incredible in bed_ , Zagreus surely must be thinking. _Surely._ An odd thumping can be heard from the other side of the door and then a crash. Hypnos blinks, unsure of what to do as he listens in on heated cursing accompanied but what sounds like something being dragged across the floor. Zagreus calls out that he's coming ( _What? Already? But they haven't even started having fun yet_. _Oh ho_.) and a few moments later, the door cracks opens just long enough for Zagreus to see who it is... but quickly closes again at the sight of Hypnos.

Inhaling and exhaling, an expression of peace illuminates Hypnos' soft features even as a storm rages within his mind: _That damn boy has ten fucking seconds to open the door again or so help Hypnos, he will break it down._ Zagreus eventually does at nine and a half. The vein throbbing dangerously at Hypnos' otherwise pristine forehead relaxes.

The prince apologizes for the mess inside and turns heel, not quite inviting Hypnos into his domain with the level of hospitality the god would have preferred but he does leave the door open, suggesting it was alright for Hypnos to enter. Clothes and books litter the floor and it takes all of Hypnos' power not to cringe at the impressive level of dust lining the every inch of the bed chamber. Even the bed itself is... _unfortunate_ , to put it kindly. Unmade and buried under a pile of scrolls and a collapsed bookshelf, Hypnos trusts that is wine and not blood staining the pillow cases.

Hypnos offhandedly asks if he has interrupted Zagreus in the midst of redecorating. The prince rubs the back of his head as if wounded but only answers the question with another question, inquiring about how it's going on outside and if the guests are enjoying themselves. Judging by his tone, he doesn't particularly care and is simply evading one conversation if favor of another - this naturally makes Hypnos even more curious as his gaze waxes from the bed to the life-size poster of their cousin. Predictably nude as goddesses of love are wont to be, Hypnos studies the painting of Aphrodite and its noticeably close proximity to the bed. It isn't unusual for men in the prime of their youth to proudly display pornography - Hypnos is quite the fan himself - but he isn't too keen on the way the drawing's eyes seem to follow Zagreus around. Hypnos would chalk it up to his imagination playing tricks but knowing Zeus and his kin, that portrait very well might be enchanted. _Then there was that blasted poster of Achilles across the room too!_ _Beating off to other gods is one thing but humans?!_

Hypnos smiles sweetly, raising his middle finger in the direction of the posters when Zagreus isn't looking.

As he makes idle chatter, the prince walks over to inspect his reflection in a mirror. This pleases Hypnos who follows closely behind; it is quite natural for Greek gods to exhibit vanity... _and may the family have mercy,_ do he and Zagreus complement one another splendidly standing side by side like this! Truly, such a handsome couple fitting of the good graces of the pantheon, yes indeed. Hypnos: one point. Achilles: zero.If one sidesteps just a bit off to the left, the bed is reflected too and if Zagreus isn't thinking about what Hypnos is thinking, hopefully not-so-subliminal imagery will help him along quicker... never mind the heaps of trash on it... _Ehhh._ Hypnos admittedly minds. The passably clean lion skin rug is starting to look more agreeable to both his romantic and hygienic sensibilities instead of the bed.

Adjusting the locks of hair nestled just above his ears, Zagreus states that he's surprised but glad that Hypnos is here and that he could use the help. Why, _of course_ Hypnos would absolutely love to help Zagreus... _in any and every way that he might need._ The god glances over his shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows in the direction of the portrait behind him. Hypnos: two points. Aphrodite: zero. The prince procures a broom from behind a stack of books and passes it to Hypnos who stares at it blankly. Zagreus gestures widely to the whole room, saying there isn't much time left to clean before Aphrodite arrives; he needs the place to look halfway presentable before their date. Gravity tugs so hard at Hypnos' weakening Cheshire grin that it's practically audible. Hypnos: two points. Aphrodite: _...one._

Hypnos coolly asks how long they have until she arrives. Zagreus supposes about an hour. _One hour, huh? Sixty minutes. More than enough time and with plenty to spare._ Squinting at the mirror, an annoying sound shakes Zagreus out from his grooming session and he glances over his shoulder. Hypnos is now reclining over on the lion skin rug, chin propped up in one hand as he drums the handle of the broom methodically against the tiled floor - as if in tune to each passing second. Zagreus asks what Hypnos is doing. Hypnos counters with the same question, punctuating a sassy tone with a wiggle of his brows: 'What are _-you-_ doing?'


End file.
